You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
