He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
