All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
