is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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