I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
