you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
