did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
