I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
