yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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