in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
