Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
