I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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