its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
