so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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