Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
