I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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