Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
