Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
