yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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