But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
