I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
