DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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