We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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