my sisters under your porch take her home
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
