I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
