yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
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There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize