also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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