I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
