Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
