omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
