This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
