I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's blow job season.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
