I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
