brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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