Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
