Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize