well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
