I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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