if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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