You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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