I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
