I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
why do cheetos always look like penises
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
