what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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