i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If I die, sorry about rent.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize