you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
They took my balls.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
