I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
