so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
