Already got asked if we're dating
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
