She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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