I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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