Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
