This show inspires me to have sex in space
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
