i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
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I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
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I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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