Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
