You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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