the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
