She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
