haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
where does the pee come out of this thing
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
