remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
