At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You're like the curious george of whores
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
