my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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