do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
