Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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