those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
