That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I can text with my tongue
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
