She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
