Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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