well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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