11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
