Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
