omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
