Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
