I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
