Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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