A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
