Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
