I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Houston, we have a blender
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
