new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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