im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
