Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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