She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
