I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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