covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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