so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize