This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
